Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I Miss My Son!

My Little Man

Can I tell you how much I miss my son right now? I didn't sleep well last night, and I woke up crying this morning. This is the first time in 14 years I didn't get him ready for the first day of school. I couldn't sleep last night because I thought he could be anywhere. Is he in his dorm room bed? Is he visiting with friends? Did he get a wild idea to run to Wal-Mart at midnight? I don't know. Will he get up in time for college classes? Will he make nice friends? Will he remember to be kind when he is frustrated? Will he remember that he and his sister are my #1 reasons in life right now? I don't know. Will he stand on the firm foundation we laid for him to make good decisions and to know that he has a purpose in life? Will He Remember To Call His Mother ???? !!!!

It's a horrible feeling. I didn't know. He and I were such snobs about going to school near home in South Carolina, especially right down the road. No way! One should go off to college, see new things, meet new people! Thank goodness budgets, scholarships, and the best international business school and language department around convinced us that USC is the best place for him to be, and he is right down the road. I might have been a basketcase right now if he was in another city or state. My heart goes out to you moms with kids far away, although you may have been better adjusted for this than I!

I started practicing right away not calling him too much, although he has only been gone four days!!! However, it isn't like he is at camp and is coming home soon. He's embarking on his grown-up life. My part is all done! Monday we talked a few times and said good-night that evening. Yesterday, I talked to him in the morning when he called for directions, and we were frustrated with each other because he hadn't originally followed my very clear instructions (laughing at myself here). So, as we hung up from that frustration, I told myself I was ridiculous. If this were 20 years ago, he wouldn't be calling me on a cell phone and would be figuring out where to go by himself. I need to let him get on with life and not be a helicopter mom - I really love that term. So, no good-night call last night, but a couple of hours were spent in the easy chair feeling sorry for myself panicking about what he could possibly be doing right at that moment. Then to bed for a restless sleep and waking up ready to weep as my beautiful girl readied herself for high school today. As usual, we headed out and picked up her friend, and I dropped them off for their first day of school. I have a lovely THREE more years with my girl at home, and then ... I guess we'll be talking then if we are all still blogging.

I need a drink. I'm going out for a cold one - Extra-Large Diet Coke, light ice, thank you.

9 comments:

Nanette Merrill and daughters said...

Aw Michele. What a good mom you are. He'll be fine and successful and wonderful. You've taught him well. I know how you feel. Its ok to have helicoptor mom feelings.

craftydiane said...

I know just how you feel! Been there, done that! My oldest daughter is starting her 3rd year of college on Monday. She choose to go to college in Lousiana which is a 5 and a half hour drive from home. I missed her terribly. Luckily she is the type to call home all the time. She was very lonely and depressed alot that first year and I spent many a hour crying after talking to her. It's hard knowing your child is sad. She has always been shy and has a hard time making friends. Now she has made lots of friends and is doing great being so far from home. I am doing much, much better myself. Having my child happy makes me happy. And I am happy to say she still calls me all the time! Especially when she is going back and to across campus to class. So take heart, it will all be fine. Your little boy will be fine and he won't forget to call his mom!
Have a Blessed Day,
Diane

Chloe said...

Oooh I dread all this with my children and I think every parent you speak to seems to go through it. But I bet he's having the time of his life and looking forward to his new classes.

Good choice of drink by the way!

jenjen said...

I so empathize with you! My son is 14 and I am dreading having him go off to college. But we know they need to do it. You are a wonderful mom and I am sure your son rely on all of the things you have taught him over the years. Good luck to you!

Jean said...

O.K. Michele... hang in there. Just remember that you and your hubby taught him (and his sister) the "right stuff". He was making the "right decisions" at home/school before... now you have to let him continue to make them now. As hard as it is, we have to let them know that we believe in them and their choices! He will call and probably come home to do laundry/get a home cooked meal and just "hang out"... if you were close as a family b/4... don't bet that that will change too much now!
We are LDS and our son went on a mission at age 19 all the way to Puerto Rico for 2 years! Talk about hard... but we all survived! Me... well I tried to hang in there and was doing o.k. until we left and went to Burger King on the way home... the family all went to the restroom and I was left to order the food... ahem, well let's just say that when the guy took my order I forgot and ordered enough for our son too! I burst into tears and he looked at me and asked me if I had just dropped someone off at the MTC (missionary training center)?
They do grow up wayyyy too fast. We just have to enjoy them while they are home, and then let them continue and live their lives and hope and pray that we get to be part of them as they continue to mature and experience life.
FAMILIES ARE FOREVER!
JEAN

CalicoDaisy said...

You are so right, Jean, thank you! I do feel a lot better after a big cry today and talking to my friends and hearing from my friendly bloggers. -- Michele

Chris Worthy said...

Oh, I am so not ready for that.
Tell me it gets better. Ack. We start college visits soon...

Nan said...

oh.. I feel your pain, I am in a different state then my oldest son is in his college pursuit, he was just home for 2 weeks this summer for his sisters wedding and left again on Sunday, it was so good to see him, and it had been 8 months since his last visit, and he doesn't know if he will make it home for Christmas this year. :( It's a 20 hour drive for him, so... you see it's not something that can be done often. I know it doesn't matter if he's just down the road or 20 hours away, it still hurts to let them go.

Paula said...

I think all of us mom's know how you feel, Michele! It's so hard to let our "babies" grow-up and become themselves. As I was helping my daughter unpack her new apartment in WYOMING last week (states and states away from me!), I found myself telling her all sorts of things that she MUST do and what she NEEDS, until I finally had to tell myself to shut-up. She's a big girl with a family of her own and was raised well. She'll be fine, my little Noah will be fine. I just don't know if I will be fine without them....